Dear Coach,

I'm 26 now—graduated, settled into my own place, and working a full-time job. Life looks vastly different from those basketball days.

You always used to tell us that your coaching was about more than just the game—it was about life. I'll admit, back then, that wasn't my priority. I was more focused on beating our rivals on Fridays and trying to avoid getting an earful. But things have changed. Now, I see what you meant. Those daily shouts and lessons weren't solely about winning basketball games. They were about winning at life. I appreciate the lessons you wired in me:

“15 minute rule”

It was the first lesson you taught us. If practice is at 8am, we were to have our shoes on and be stretched out ready to go at 7:45am. If not, we were late. We knew we were running. So, we prepared to be early. 

I still do it for everything today. People call me crazy saying “you have plenty of time”. The point is that things will happen in life, and I am to control what I can control. I prepare to be early so that when things go wrong, I’m not late. 

I hold myself to the standard to never be late. Not for my team, friends, and employees. More importantly for myself. I control what I can control. I’m punctual. People appreciate it.

“Steakies”

Our last drill before gamedays we would do a “drill” called “steakies”. If everyone on the team made 1 free throw in a row, we were to get a steak dinner for the team. This drill was not making us more skilled, but it was fun. It lightened the mood from a tough or focused week of practice. It gave you a chance to enjoy the basketball gym and the people around you. It was a time to joke as a team. Take a deep breathe, yell “steaks”, and have some fun.

I think about “steakies” at work these days. My natural tendency is to take my life very seriously. Too seriously that when the fun opportunities come, I reject them. Ultimately, it ruins any hope for enjoyment. For me, I have to remind myself the importance of the stupid shit. Take your life seriously, but don’t underestimate the value of fantasy football leagues and stupid office shenanigans. Take a step back and enjoy what you are doing.

“Build a wall in transition”

From the time I was a freshmen to when I was a senior in high school we scouted our opponents. We often played teams that were “run-and-gun” fast pace. The gameplan that we always put together most often rallied around slowing the other team down. You would scream “build a wall in transition”. Meaning: sprint back on defense, slow down the ball, don’t foul and wall up (meaning stick your hands up and don’t foul). Let them make the mistakes. That was the gameplan. We would practice it, doing transition drills the whole week. 3v2, 2v1, 3v3 offense with a head of steam. We built the plan. We practiced it. Then we had to be disciplined to the gameplan to execute it. Then come gametime we were programmed. I am still fathomed by how many teams never scouted us.

What is the goal? What is the plan to achieve that goal? Objective, Strategy, Tactics. What am I practicing everyday to push forward to be better prepared to get there? It’s amazing how simple the idea is its amazing how many people (including myself) forget to plan things in life. Success is a result of luck. But, a well executed plan, creates a lot of luck. Now I ask myself, what is the gameplan?

“You’re a part of something bigger than yourself”

I remember you screaming “You think your shit doesn’t stink? Brunswick Basketball will move on after you graduate”. The point that was hammered home was, “You’re a part of something bigger than yourself”. On one end you were telling us that we were replaceable. You were not afraid to bench, cut, or discipline anyone. It did not matter how skilled we were. The organization will go on. The team has operating standards, fall in line or you are to leave. Egos are to be left at the door. Secondly, we were to remember the impact every personal decision had on the team, the program, and the school. If we were assholes on the court or in our personal lives, we made the whole team look like an assholes. We were all a reflection of each other. So, there was as standard.

I think about this as I work for a company. It reminds me to come in and be a professional and be grateful to be a part of the team. At work I can get caught in the thought that I am owed something. No matter how amazing I am as an employee, I am still just an employee to the larger operation. I am temporary to the whole thing. I am replaceable. That is ok. Every company, organization, team has a culture, a mission, and standard operating guidelines. Most often, challenging them is not going to be an option. I need to remember I should be honored to work where I work. I should be bought in on the mission and respect my leaders. If I am ever fighting the rules and culture above me, I need to reflect if I am in the right spot for myself. 

“Next Play”

After a turnover or a big three you always used to try to keep us focused on the next play. Remove the emotion. The game is not stopping because you want to celebrate or pout. When you turn the ball over, learn from it and move on. Get to the next play. When you hit a three or make a big play, stay level get back on defense. They are coming.

Life today is so many different things. Family might be going great, but work sucks. Health might be good, but my finances suck. The problem is not letting one part of my life impact the others. Move on to the next thing. Don’t let one thing affect the other. Don’t let a parking ticket ruin a date with a great girl.

“Get it moving”

It’s a team game. I remember when we played, fans and other coaches used to always praise our team saying, “the Blue Devils play the game the right way”. They would always say we moved it around. We were unselfish. We always made the extra pass. What they didn’t know is that is how we grew up playing. It is not that we were unselfish, we did not know how to play the game any other way. You taught us a team game. You would always yell at us when we would take selfish shots, when we were playing “hero ball”. We would get a mouthful. When the ball stuck, you yelled “get it moving!!”. Then we learned to love being unselfish and we celebrated assisting each other. Making the extra pass to our teammates was the easy decision. We knew that if we passed the ball, it would eventually come back to us.

It’s very easy as a competitor to start to compete with anyone. Friends and family, people on social media. It’s easy to get jealous of their attention and their wins in life. Life is not basketball game. There is no opponent. Everyone is on my team. Especially my friends and family. If people close to me are happy, that is a win to everyone. It reminds me to get involved in the community and “get it moving”. Try to help others as much as I can. Get an assist. Be unselfish. I have learned to love helping and watching other succeed. I have continuously learned my good graces always come back around and others take the initiative to help me. They help me score.

“Wake the fuck up”

“Pull your head out of your ass” was another way to put it. It was the brutal halftime speech or it was the practice that was going horrible. It sucked to hear, but it was definitely needed. It usually meant that we were just going through the motions. We had no intent to our game. We had no will to win. We were being lazy and unfocused. This one was simply an attempt to shock the system.

It’s amazing how much I feel like I need this now when it used to suck so much. Sometimes I need to hear that I suck because somedays I do suck. The problem is nobody is there to remind me. The working world, the real world. is not a quick feedback loop. When my performance is bad for a week, it would be a shock if my manager even noticed. Its very easy to be lazy. l try my best to be my own coach. Humble myself where I can. These days you can catch me talking to myself while im working out; if you listen you might hear “wake the fuck up”. (Maybe a couple other things….)

“Shoot it to Make it”

Sounds like the dumbest thing in the world. You would scream it while we were practicing or in a game. “shoot it to make it”. -Does he think I am trying to miss? All it meant was “have confidence”. We weren’t missing shots because of bad technique or a lack of practice. We were missing shots from a lack of confidence. After all the work is put in. All the practice. Let go, trust your game, and be confident. It does not matter how technically sound you are, if you are doubting yourself, you are not going to be a good shooter.

Despite the fact that I was a very good basketball shooter, I lack a lot of confidence in other areas of my life naturally. I am a very smart and analytical person, I have all the academic accolades, and I care a lot about what I do; yet I have imposter syndrome in most areas of my working career. A good coach would say just attack with my instincts. Trust myself. Let loose I have to tell myself to be confident. Attack life with confidence, or I will go nowhere.

“Garbage Man”

You always gave away gatorades when anyone took a charge in a game. Milkshakes were awarded when you tipped a ball in. If you grabbed 10 rebounds you got chipotle. These were heart stats. Toughtness stats. It’s about how much you want to win. These stats have nothing to do with skill or technique. It’s about throwing your body in front of defender and taking a hit as a sacrifice for your team. It’s a hustle play. It’s the play that nobody wants to do, it’s not attractive, it doesn’t show up in the box score, but it wins games. We would tally these plays over the year for everyone. These were celebrated internally. The guy that does this best was called the “Garbage Man"

I love the garbage man in life. The guy that is not afraid to get down on his hands and knees and get dirty. Somebody who is down to earth. It reminds me of the guy who gets rich and still drives a shitty car. I strive to be that person. I hope to never be too stubborn to not do my own laundry or mow my own lawn. I try to pride myself in being a garbage man. I’ll do the work nobody wants to do.

“Close Teams Win Close games”

Looking back, we did everything together as a team. We held basketball camps for little kids, we went out to eat, we went to other sporting events, we had team dinners, we celebrated after games, we practiced together, we would stay in the locker room 2 hrs before and after practice together. It was never ending. We were always together. Our team never left each other’s side. We were best friends and we were really good. We fought and played hard for each other. There was complete unselfishness. Nobody cared who scored. It was one goal. When times were tough, in the 4th quarter, we dug down deep for each other.

I work in corporate America now and it seems the tendancy is so far the opposite. The culture incentives are so lost. Workers (including me) are scared to be themselves in a corporate environment, especially around their superiors. Additionally, companies provide little to no incentive sparking these relationships. In remote environments it becomes even worse. You are often working with people you never see. If you want to be a high-performance team, you have to spend time with each other and enjoy that time. You have to get to know each other. I have felt this struggle during my career. Now I make all the effort I can to meet my coworkers. Get lunch or dinner. I ask them questions about their personal life. Get personal. It might be the most important thing to a successful team.

“Find an Extra Gear”

This was the most classic line. It was the line in the 4th quarter. “You think you’re tired, but you’re not tired”. It was pushing us far beyond what we thought our limits were. You knew it was in us. You knew we had more in us. This is where champions are made. This is the difference between good and great. Push yourself. Endure the pain and discomfort. We trained for this: “4th Quarter Workouts”. It was to stress the body in the last part of the workout. Teach us that we had an extra gear. Push us past our limits.

I think about this now as I strive forward towards any goal. It’s the motivation to work an extra hour or hold my budget for another week. It’s the sacrifice I make to eat healthy or get a workout in on the day I have no motivation left. It’s about toughness. It’s about pushing past your limits or the average or whatever your mind thinks is possible. It is very easy to be lazy and give in. Find the extra gear. Be tough.

“Nothing good happens after midnight”

It was the 7am practice New Years Day. Every year. You would tell us “1 beer, 11 games”. “Don’t let me get a call after midnight”. Be responsible. It was the warning, the rule, the advice to all of us. Make strong decisions, and more importantly, dont put ourselves in bad positions. Nothing good happens after midnight, you scheduled a practice at 7am to make sure we knew that.

Nothing has changed about this rule to this day. This had nothing to do with basketball when you said it, and it still doesn’t. No good calls happen after midnight. Nothing good happens in a dark alley. Nothing good happens when somebody is too drunk. Nothing good happens when you are sneaking around. Be smart. Avoid bad situations by never putting yourself in them.

“Win the Day”

The last lesson was Win the Day. We learned this one together. When we watched him beat cancer multiple times across 7 years. When we watched him, drive himself from the hospital to practice. Battle leukemia, then coach little kids and scout our next opponent. We watched him play his senior year of baseball and graduate high school and attend college. Then when we watched him battle in the hospital for 2 months before he passed. The perseverance only possible taking every day as a gift. Everday we watched him Win the Day.

Today we take each day as a blessing because of the lessons he taught us. We live each day with intention and gratitude, because we are so lucky. He reassured us, tomorrow is no guarantee. Life might be tough, but let the focus remain on today. We attempt to follow his lead and Win the Day.

Coach, You won again. These lessons and the hundreds of others changed my life. You turned me into a man of respect, through a child’s game. I am so grateful.

Thank You